Sunday, November 13, 2011

Yes, I Have Doubts

Daylight and coffee always make things look better.

I woke up at 1 am last night, filled with thoughts of doubt and reasons why I was obviously crazy for deciding to record my songs in a Nashville studio with strangers, no less. I mean, who just decides to go and do something like this? Who am I to think this is necessary? I'm taking time off of work, leaving my family,  and spending a lot of money to make this happen, all in the name of my "art."

In addition, I cut the tip of my pinkie finger yesterday with a big knife, and at the time it seemed like more of an annoyance than anything. But it bled profusely and I had to keep it bandaged pretty tightly all day. At 1 am, while I was assailed with doubts about my upcoming trip, that little sucker was throbbing. I found myself doing mental calculations about how I could fit in a trip to Urgent Care in the morning. A full-blown emergency room visit was definitely out - everyone knows it takes hours, and I would miss my flight. If I didn't have someone look at it, would the tip of my pinkie lose its connection with the rest of the finger and become gangrenous? Is "gangrenous" a word? When was my last tetanus shot? What if I went all the way to Nashville, assembled a studio full of musicians and then came down with lockjaw? Do people still get lockjaw? Is this an omen - a sign that what I am getting ready to do is just nuts?

I'm sporadically reading a book about following your creative path. The author says that doubts like this are just ways we put up blocks because we're afraid to go forward and -- take that leap. I have to say, at 1 am, that wisdom just doesn't fly.

Now it's morning, and this coffee is working magic - giving me the confidence I need to get on with it. The pinkie finger actually still hurts, but I've examined it in the light of day and I see no signs of abdication by the tip, so things are looking great. Onward to Nashville!


  1. LL-So glad you are on your way and equally pleased you are sharing the experience with this blog. All the best to you. Don't be intimidated by NV. You deserve to be there. Just sayin'.

  2. I look forward to hearing all about your adventures! Go, seester, go!

  3. Ding, ding, ding! Gangrenous is indeed a word. You win a year's supply of Bon Ami, the kitchen cleanser that scours without scratching.

    I am glad you are doing this, and didn't listen to those 1:00 am voices. Always listen to the coffee!