"...you gotta have a dream, if you don't have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true?"- From the song, "Happy Talk" by Rogers & Hammerstein
The people who run around in my dreams every night are not very nice. My dreams are always confused, hectic, disturbing and exhausting, and the people in my dreams all have questionable motives or are generally frustrating the hell out of me.
That is why I can sometimes be heard yelling in my sleep, and occasionally throwing a punch, and why the shooting pain that wakes me up is usually caused by a stray bullet that I take as I’m diving and rolling with my AK-47 across concrete and rubble strewn between two bombed-out buildings.
I researched this a little. It seems I may have issues. What? One thing I read was that the emotions you feel in your dreams are real – probably leftovers from something you felt during your waking hours, but maybe you were just holding it in, or couldn’t fully express it, due to a myriad of circumstances.
I don’t know if this is correct, but I know that I often feel frustration and impatience when it comes to my “dreams” (and my life, for that matter). Everybody is supposed to have a Dream. You must have small dreams that are within arms' reach, and you must have BIG Dreams that are swirling around up there in the sky somewhere. You must use physics to determine the correct trajectory that will, upon launch, propel you upwards and right into your heart's desire. If you do not do this, you are wasting, wasting, wasting precious time.“DREAM BIG.” We hear that all the time. And it’s right, it’s true. You cannot conceive of every possibility and how it will happen. So you do need to set your sights beyond what you could imagine. Some days, however, I grow weary of being bombarded by motivational mumbo jumbo, which eventually just becomes so much noise in my brain.
I am completely and utterly impressed by some seven year old who has the vision and the drive to become something great, and is already working on it at seven. But I’m also often discouraged and left feeling inadequate because I’m not doing enough, not doing enough, not doing enough. Why didn't I have this self-awareness when I was seven - when I had the time?? No, it’s never enough, and the hour is late. The longer I'm on this planet, the more urgent it seems to be that I should map out my piece of Pie in the Sky.So back to the frustrations in my sleep: Could it be that I’ve allowed needing to have a Big Dream to dilute or eclipse Joy in my life? I'm a huge proponent of Joy. I must examine this. I am no longer willing to sacrifice Joy for any outcome. I have only recently discovered Joy and what it can truly mean. Being inexperienced at having It around, I might accidentally send It away.
On the other hand, am I just using this as an excuse so that I can say I don't really want a Big Dream and therefore, I do not need to worry about attaining one? Possibly. But if so, then I am missing the point of Being Alive, which is not - I believe - to make ourselves miserable or have fitful sleep. The point for me is to live, love, experience joy, create, grow, and let things unfold as they will. That would require Patience........um - that's another blog....