Torn Between Two Lauras

I’ve been trying to find time to do all of the things I love. I keep thinking that there has to be some way to rearrange the hours of the day, or to divide them up, so as to allow my creative Self to have a life. As it stands now, it’s about 90% Responsible Laura and 10% Creative Laura.

Now there’s an interesting revelation – - the fact that I define the part of me who must go to work and deal with the everyday drudgery as “responsible.” Why can’t Creative Laura be responsible too? She’s certainly not irresponsible. It’s not like she can be found hanging out under an overpass, smoking crack.

There’s a battle happening here, and the two Lauras are at odds. I haven’t figured out how to let them coexist happily within one body. Responsible Laura has fears. She doesn’t want to live in a cardboard box behind Wal-Mart.  She likes to be able to pay for things, like electricity and food  and shoes. And let’s face it – Creative Laura can’t concern herself with things like that, lest she lose inspiration.  

Responsible Laura hears  the insistent little voice of Creative Laura asking for more time, and this unsettles her.  She feels guilty and off center, somehow.  She offers unworkable deals such as “you can have midnight to 2 am.” Creative Laura can’t  stay awake that late these days.